Li’l Missy here, working through the obstacle of spotty-ass wifi in the hotel room to get you up to date on what the heck we’ve been doing since we vanquished the forces of entropy and got to Tokyo intact.

We’re here for the International Robot Expo, the largest robot exhibition in Japan. While there are many booths that feature the same old industrial robots and bolt sorting machines and etc, there’s also a ton of stuff that really fails to suck. We’ve been meeting interwebs people in person for the first time, and are having a ball doing it.

Here are a few pics detailing what we are seeing.

This is Tokyo Big Site, a massive convention center where IREX is being held. It’s big. Real big. No, bigger. There are five or six huge conventions going on, as well as lots of interstitial restaurants and vending machines. None of the vending machines contain beer or schoolgirls’ panties, but we will keep looking, don’t you fret.

AIIIEE!!! Teeny winky shuffle bots with the tiny, tiny feets! Teh ky00t! It burns!

These little robots had no wheels, only little vibrating feet that got them hither and thither. they seemed to be directionally controlled, although I could not tell if it was autonomous and human. They also seem to be light-sensitive for light and dark areas underneath them.

Three words: Robo-One Laser Tag. This guy is playing Terminator-style in a cloud of talcum powder, click on the thumbnail to get the full on end-of-the-world-disaster feeling. A bunch of them played against each other for all the glory and the loser bought the next round of beers. It was awesome, and by awesome, I mean totally sweet. Better than ninjas. And nothing is better than ninjas, except for maybe more ninjas.

Creepy? Yes. Highly amusing to watch sober-suited Japanese industrialists squirm as they handle a fussy robot? HELLS yes. The Real Care Baby is a doll that simulates a real child for use in daily life and to find out which reprobate highschooler would do well to never. ever procreate. They cry, they fuss, they do the things babies do. They are all identical. It’s weird in an oddly compelling way.

More in a bit, as our wifi is funky here.

A big huge Hail and Arigato Gozaimasu to all the extremely kind, smart, interesting and beautiful people who sent us a bit of cash to help us out of our jam. We were stranded in the Vienna airport, with our luggage in hock and our credit card maxed out because of a very naughty hotel agency.

After making the hop from Vienna to Paris to Beijing, we have made it to Tokyo. The whole experience was not unlike one of those really high levels of Zelda where you just wander around a whole lot looking for power up and weapons until you get to the end guy. There is always another obstacle. We are finally ensconced in the world’s teeniest hotel room, and are walking out the door to detail for you wondrous tales of the IREX International Robotics Exhibition.

Big ups especially to Charlie Gadeken and Pouneh Mortazavi, our A-Number-One Flaming Lotus Girls (Go to the fundraiser on Friday, it’ll be a hoot)

Mom and Dad Suicidebot also pitched in for their machine obsessed daughter and loose cannon son-in-law. I am hereby sorry for my teenage years.

The fantabulous, good looking and sprightly Trossen Robotics also pitched in to save out collective kiester, no sponsor have ever gone so above and beyond.

Also, Magnus Wurzer of Shifz, our cohort in Vienna, sent us a little dosh, we love you Magnus!

We would also like to thank, with kisses and lots of 10-W-30, Li’l Joshy Mehlman (who is of course always free to point and laugh), Danny O’Brien, intrepid defender of our informational rights, Daniel Gaspari our biggest fan, and Erik Stevens of Roboverse, who all pitched in and got us upgraded to eating out of vending machines rather than waiting for the airline food to come along.

T Shirts, stickers, and extra special luuuurve will be sent out next week.

Our ongoing coverage of Roboexotica 2007 will return in a moment, but first, look at this:

Want. Oh yes.

There’s video too. When all you have is an excavator-mounted stump grinder, *everything* looks like a forest. . .

[Thanks Techyum!]

And the gorgeous and loverly prep for Roboexotica charges on, with organizers running back and forth in a flurry, wire everywhere, and many, many, many MANY spent cans of fine Austrian beer.

Here’s a picture of Mr. Robotics weeping softly and twitching, as he finishes Chapek in the home stretch before the show.

In the background you can see the legendary RoboMoji, constant attendee at RoboExotica and maker of the most carefully crafted mojitos made by a machine in Vienna in this room during these dates. Notice Chapek looming malignantly in the background. There is also a very interesting head-mounted device which mysteriously appears without any apparent creator.
Investigative reporting to follow.

This one pretty much speaks for itself.

Roboexotica has been getting spiffy mention in a few places.

Mr. Robotics and I are in Vienna, beautiful Vienna. We are well into the double digits of number of hours awake, and we have hours more to go before we kick jet lag’s ass.

Pictures coming later on. Roboexotica load-in is going swimmingly.

Myself, Mr. Robotics and The Head Rotor convened at the Robunker last night to faff around in preparation for Roboexotica in Vienna this year.

El Espanol Borracho will be making a new and improved appearance, as will Chapek.

Left: Mr Robotics and The Rotor stare at Chapek, trying to figure out where the code rot is.

For those of you just tuning in, Roboexotica is of course the world-renown festival of cocktail robots:

Until recently, no attempts had been made to publically discuss the role of cocktail robotics as an index for the integration of technological innovations into the human Lebenswelt, or to document the increasing occurrence of radical hedonism in man-machine communication. Roboexotica is an attempt to fill this vacuum. It is the first and, inevitably, the leading festival concerned with cocktail robotics world-wide. A micro mechanical change of paradigm in the age of borderless capital. Alan Turing would doubtless test this out.

Right: The Rotor corrupts the innocent, and the innocent like it.

We spent last night mumbling to ourselves, barking at each other to get out of the way, and most important, drinking beer. We also experimented with accelerants, and ways to make Kahlua tasty (I personally don’t think this is possible).

The Rotor made helpful suggestions about where to throttle what to make which flow a little smoother. Julie Andrews hid in the closet. Fugu The Deadly Hellbeast made sure everyone got kisses. Soma FM kept everybody sane-ish.

Mr. Robotics would like you to know that he hates robots. Really.

Chapek is in the background, having a servo issue. Or maybe it’s a software issue. Or maybe something’s not zeroed right. or maybe. . .

We take off for Vienna Sunday. Rotor will be at the Fortress of Solitude, cursing economy-class legroom, airline blackout dates, and tweaking Chassis’ brain. We hoist ein grosses bier in his honor.

Futurist Paul Saffo expounds on why you should never, ever be allowed to drive a motor vehicle, ever:

Move Over, the Robot’s Driving: By the Year 2050, Forecasters Predict Robots Will Rule the Road

(Mr. Robotics already thinks I should never be allowed to drive a motor vehicle, ever, under any circumstances. Also, it should be made illegal for me personally to parallel park.)

[Thanks Paul!]

The first thing I thought when I saw this was - “Well then, what the hell are roadies for?”

We-e-e-e-ell, I *suppose* a robotic guitar would scam on groupies less than a roadie would, and wouldn’t drink all your booze and do the load-out hungover, so I guess it’s cool. . .

[Insert usual smart-ass jokes about guitar world domination and killing humans here.]

[Thanks Engadget!

Lenore from the superlative Evil Mad Scientists sends along this jolly web page with a ton of PhD level robotic goodness. Some of the videos have been taken down since, but you can read all about it. . .

This guy is cooler than you are.

Feroz Ahmed Siddiky of the International Islamic University in Chittagong says his “IRobo” responds to voice commands, has spatial intelligence and is cheap because it’s made from scrap materials he’s collected from electronic shops and car mechanics.

“On completion, this robot will comply with different verbal commands for tasks like shifting objects, cleaning floors and standing guard,” Siddiky told Reuters.

Everybody go to the junkyard and build one for yourself. It’s easy. Okay, go.

[From Reuters via Futuresheet Thanks Evil Signtist!]

Because you do not agree, I will now perform improvised crowd work. Where is everyone from?

I’m sorry; I did not hear your response. Could you please repeat that?

You said you were from “Go Fuck Yourself.” Is this correct?

You have collectively said, “Yes.” I am not familiar with Go Fuck Yourself. The closest location I could find is Falkville, Alabama. Is this the location you mean?

McSweeney’s Internet Tendency: A Robot Performs Standup Comedy to a Lackluster Response.

This clip starts out GREAT, but then the geek starts talking and kind of spoils it. Note to NASA: more dancing robots! Whatta we payin’ taxes for anyway!?!?

ATHLETE Moon Robot at NASA JPL

This just in from far-flung correspondent Ali Spagnola, and artist who does a bunch of stuff, not the least of which is thie neat music video:

Robots For Everyone indeed. So cute, so disarming. but what about when they TAKE OVER THE WORLD AND DESTROY ALL THAT WE HOLD DEAR?

Yeah I thought so. Off to Tea with Mr. Joy.

Over there at UK humo[u]r site b3ta.com: (Warning: occasional puerile humour and puzzling UK cultural references)

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Keep going, there’s pages and pages more….